Taylor Swift tickets. Ridiculous political election posturing. Missiles from somewhere landing somewhere else they shouldn’t. Thanksgiving. Shopping. Twitter and Elon’s latest craziness.

It’s hard to imagine how any of this matters.

I got sucked into the Instagram feed of the sister of one of the murder victims in Moscow, Idaho last weekend. All of the images of the Beautiful Girls. So ALIVE. So fresh and real and sure of everything. Just like my own daughter who lives in Moscow. And the one in Mexico. And the one in Utah. And the one in Colville. All so vibrant, just like the three girls and one guy who were just delivered back to their families with all of the life stolen out of their bodies. A week ago today, maybe they would have cared about Taylor Swift tickets. Maybe they were making Thanksgiving plans. Now it’s just darkness for them and everyone who loved them.

We take ourselves so seriously. All of our affectations of correctness and Knowing What’s Right and Doing Things. All The Things. And the whole while, we can’t even fathom that our children might not see another sunrise, just like these four.

They tell us it’s safe. Everything is under control. There’s no need for alarm. It was a “targeted attack.” But we don’t know who targeted them or for what reason? And could this person have the same reason to target my kid? Your kid? Someone else? Nothing is safe, nothing is under control. I want to reel Natalee back into my house and force “safety” upon her, but for what? Is my home really any safer than anybody’s?

The sun is shining so perfectly today and life goes on, but for four young lives, it does not. For their parents, it does not. For their classmates, coworkers and friends, it will never be the same.

It seems so petty of me to move about my day in the sunlight Doing All the Things and acting as if I Know What’s Right. The only thing I know for sure is life is a fucking crazy gamble and nothing is promised. All we have is today and I can’t stand the thought of wasting a single moment caring about T Swift tickets or Nancy Pelosi or Elon Musk.

This upside down world makes me determined to create a haven away from it. It compels me to build a system that removes my need for any of them. A place where my kids, my people can be. Where I can be, away from the clatter of the nonsense and lies of our time. I have no use for anything this “society” has to offer.